Why is it such a big deal for you to say, “I love you”? did you never hear it as a child? is that why you can’t say those words out loud to her now?

sometimes it can feel sad to end something… for the first time it is so sad and hard, so many feelings rush in at once that tears burst, my heart aches and I feel so sad saying goodbye it feels like the end of something.

Do I have all the power?

Power is in fact the medium of our social existence, the dynamic which moves the apparatus of our relationship with each other…it is the power of others which either hurts or supports us, our own power which enables us to establish an at least precarious perch from which to survey and deal with the world (Smail, Power and the origins of Unhappiness 1995)

…feelings of humiliation or distress and sensing a loss of respect or esteem.

“Shame is the emotion that most effectively blocks the memory. Amnesia is the great solace, the most available form of self protection” (Joyce Carol Oates, After Amnesia, 1998)

The shame of not being enough
(to end her pain)